Two people rarely have the exact same sex drive. One person might be happy with daily sex, another with monthly. Besides differences in basic libido, life events (illness, job stress, childcare) can cause a desire discrepancy in couples. A large desire discrepancy will eventually cause conflict, likely eroding other aspects of the relationship as well. […]
Parenting: Playing the Hand You’re Dealt
As parents, most of us make terrible fortune-tellers. When my daughter Eileen was a first-grader, she was sent to the principal’s office for fighting with her friend Eric. Apparently, he’d put a rock in the way of ants marching on the sidewalk, and Eileen felt bad for them “because they are so little it made […]
“I’d be better off single”: Distress-maintaining thinking
How many times have you gone to bed thinking that you hate your partner, fantasizing how you would live on your own? Your thoughts snag on difficulties like how to tell your kids, your family, and the neighbors, and how much it would cost to live in two households. If you’ve had such thoughts, you […]
Building and Keeping a Strong Relationship After Having Kids
Marital conflict is bad for kids. While every marriage has conflict, especially after the first baby, persistent difficulties in the marital relationship expose children to increased chance of depression, poor communication skills, and conduct disorder later in life. Cindy and Max came to see me after their daughter Sophie started pre-school and teachers called […]
The Effect of Having Kids on a Marriage
Marriage is Strained After Having Children Being a parent is hard. But being a parent is really hard on a marriage. New parents report eight times more arguments than non-parents. Studies show that relationship quality plummets by nearly 70% after the birth of the first child, when couples experience more conflict, less intimacy, and growing […]
