The Magic Five and One-half Hours a Week: How to strengthen your relationship by turning toward each other every day. Couples who make time for each other on a regular basis strengthen their relationship. We often underestimate how important the seemingly small things are to the health of a marriage. Small positive things done often […]
The Buckeye: Intimations of Spring
Spring is still a ways away where I live in northern California. The air is fresh; the sunlight brightens the green hills surrounding our mountain. The evenings are becoming just noticeably longer. The opposite coast, from Boston to Maine, saw 30 inches of snow in just a few days. Sensational news stories tell of people […]
Psychotherapy and Choice :The Journey to the Self
I often hike the trails below Mt. Diablo and am not a stranger to seeing snakes on the path, and have been told that in stretches of certain trails, rattlesnakes peer out from under the rocks. But on a recent hike, I was startled to actually make eye contact with a rattler! It was hiding […]
The Fourth Horseman: Stonewalling
Walking up the steep steps gave me a view of the entire countryside, but scaling a partner’s emotional wall isn’t that easy. I reflected on why we put up walls and how these walls get maintained over the years. Walls are built for protection—to keep others out—and to keep control. In marriage, partners who have […]
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Shortcutting Criticism
In the biblical Book of Revelations, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse signal the end of the world through conquest, war, famine, and death. The Four Horsemen that Dr. John Gottman’s research has identified as signaling the end of a relationship are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—communication styles that threaten a marriage’s health and longevity. […]
