When love is new, we ask questions to get to know our partner well. As Mandy Len Catron wrote for The New York Times in her charming summary of a study 20 years ago by psychologist Arthur Aron, we like learning about the person we love, but over time we forget to keep learning. In […]
Turning Toward Each Other Every Day: You Don’t Have to Wait for Date Night
Building closeness doesn’t happen only on date night, the subject of my previous two posts. Turning toward each other creates little and big ways to increase closeness—not just on dates, but in the routine tasks of life. It’s easy to ignore the moments in a day when you can make a connection. For instance, when […]
Five Excuses Couples Use to Avoid Date Night
1. “Hiring a sitter is too expensive.” There are ways to minimize the expense of hiring a babysitter. A neighborhood teenager is probably the least expensive way to go; they’re usually happy to sit for less than the minimum wage of $8.00. Tipping will keep you in their good graces, but it doesn’t have to […]
Date Night: Making Time Together
Couples need time to be together without other couples, family, kids, TV, and the endless distractions of a digital world. For many years I have suggested to the couples that they have two dates a week, minimum. One date can be an evening out, such as a movie or dinner. But it is essential that […]
Why Soul Mate is a Setup for Disappointment
In my practice, I often treat couples who have highly idealistic expectations about marriage. Does that sound contradictory? After all, idealism is romantic, and you need romance for a great marriage. If marriage isn’t just a partnership, but a meeting of souls, then something must be deeply wrong when you have petty disagreements. Soul mates […]
